Six Years Ago....

It's not a special number, anniversary wise. I mean, it's not the first, the fifth, the tenth. But this year is the first time that I felt like blogging about it. Six years ago yesterday, I lost a person that I had never met. I lost my little baby girl before she was born, before she was able to live outside the womb. She was 22 weeks and she had such major complications that she wouldn't have made it to term, let alone live after birth.

But she was a kicker. How that little one kicked! This was February of 2004, and it was my second pregnancy. My first one ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks. Of course, we were devastated, but thrilled when we found we were expecting a few months later. All the early scans and exams were fine, the baby had a heartbeat, and I was gaining weight normally. And she moved all the time! It seemed that everything would be fine, and after I made it past the 3 month mark, I relaxed and started planning.

At the end of January '04, we went in for the Level II ultrasound, the anatomy check...and where we would find out the sex. We had plans to hit Babies R Us afterwards, to go shopping for clothes and everything. Looking back, I remember how quiet it was during the scan. The technician didn't say anything and after a while, I asked her if everything was ok. She said that was going to get the doctor. At that, I started crying and my husband was trying to calm me down. When the doctor came in, she did the scan again. She said, "I am so sorry, but your baby is not going to come into a good life." She said those exact words, and at first I thought she meant that the baby had some syndrome that meant lifelong health problems, but I didn't care. For a minute, I was ok, thinking that at least we would have our baby. It didn't matter if it would need special care. Then she said, "What I mean to say, that they baby has complications that are incompatible with life." When she said that, I went all numb. I had no idea what she was saying anymore and it made no sense at all. She told us that there was too much fluid around the brain, that the heart had only 2 chambers, and a host of other things that were not good. We were stunned, had no idea what to do. Both the doctor and the tech kept apologizing and right before she cleaned me up, I suddenly asked what the baby was. They looked again and told me that it was a little girl. All I could do was sit lay there and nod and try to stop shaking.

As I was getting myself together, the tech asked me if I wanted a picture. I just looked at her like she had 2 heads. She gently told me that most parents still want a picture of the baby, even when they know the outcome. It gives them something to hold on to. TO this day, I send blessing to that tech, because I am so grateful to have that picture. It's a perfect outline of her profile, you can see her little arms and hands. You can't tell that anything is wrong. It is proof that she existed, if only a little while. But she was here and she made sure I knew it.

We went to our OB-GYN's office and he showed the appropriate amount of professional sympathy before moving on to our options. We could either wait for a miscarriage, wait until full term (if it got that far), or terminate. The doctor who was at the scan was a specialist in maternal0fetal medicine and she again told us that there was no way possible for the baby to live. They were 99% sure that I would miscarry in a few weeks. I was in no state to make any kind of decision. Even now I remember that I just couldn't think. So Nasir told the doctors that he didn't want me in any more pain and that we would terminate. At that, I woke up and asked again if there was any chance, ANY at all that the baby would survive. They said that the biggest thing was her heart, it only had 2 chambers and that it was only a matter of time before it failed.

The first available appointment wasn't until 11 days later, on February 10th. The reason for that was because I was so far along, there was only one specialist who could perform the surgery. In those 11 days, while the baby kept on kicking, I changed my mind a thousand times. I cried everyday. It was the only time that I saw Nasir cry. It was horrible.

I know there are other people who have gone through worse. My heart goes out to them. I can't even imagine going through the loss of a child that you have loved and held and cared for. But for us that time, it was the worst thing ever. On the day of the surgery, I was so sad and scared. They took me in to the OR and I was shaking so bad. I asked if the baby's heart was beating and they told me us. I wanted them to stop right there and the doctor took the time again to tell me all the facts. They put me under and afterwards, when I was awake, the doctor came in and told us that everything was fine, but that she had been a very sick little baby, that she would not have held on much longer.

I know there are people out there that will say that I should have waited, that her heart was still beating. But I am also anemic. If I had waited for a miscarriage or until term, there was a chance that I would either hemorrhaged out or have had to have an emergency hysterectomy. So we made the decision with a lot of thought. Even taking account of all the facts, it was the single most hardest thing I have ever done. We later found out that the baby had a severe form of Turner's Syndrome, and that there was nothing that we could have done to help her.

I was told not to get pregnant for another year, to let my body heal. It was almost a year when we found out that were expecting again, in January 2005. Needless to say, it was joy overshadowed by terror. At every scan, I sobbed horribly. We couldn't sleep the night before the Level II scan. And when we went in, we found out it was a boy and everything was fine. I finally allowed myself to relax.

Fazal was born on August 27th, 2005. He was perfect in every way...and I'm not just saying that. He had every test done to him to make sure that he really was perfect :) We named him Fazal, which mean's "God's blessing." When we had our daughter, Zahra, 2 years later, I finally was able to put to rest my fears of never having a daughter.

I know I am blessed beyond belief. I thank God everyday for giving me my healthy children. And I pray for all of those that have lost their beloved child. It is the worst possible situation for a parent. A friend told me that there is a word to describe every person who has suffered a loss in their family. A wife who has lost her husband is a widow, a husband who has lost his wife is a widower. A child who has lost a parent is an orphan. But there is no word to describe a parent who has lost a child.

The heading picture is of a sculpture that I found on Etsy, just browsing around. It is by Dana Truesdale of The Midnight Orange. She makes stunning sculptures of everything, but her Angel Sculptures were the most heart-wrenching. They are so simple, but nothing has ever touched me like these little pieces that fit in your hand. This one is called "Never Ever Let Go."

I hope no one ever has to buy one.

Paradise at the Feet of Mothers

A well-known hadith states, "Paradise lies at the feet of the mother." Mothers are treasured, not just in Islam, but in every religion, culture, way of life. They give us life, they guide us, nurture us, are there for us. And they come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes the one that you think of as your mother isn't your biological mother. She may be an aunt, a grandmother, a mentor. Whoever she is, she is always there. The painting above is by K. M. Berggren and is titled, "Clarity."

What do you think that this hadith means? To my thinking, it doesn't mean that paradise is automatically found with every mother. You must be a mother in every sense of the word, you must guide your children to be the best that they can be, you must create a haven that is safe, secure, and nurturing for your children. Your childhood has such a big impact on the rest of your life. If you had a happy childhood, that is the best gift that you could have received. And I am sure that as you look back, you really did feel as if your life was a paradise back then.

But mothers are human too. We make mistakes and lose our tempers and all sorts of stuff :) But I think that as long as you try your best, you CAN make your life a paradise for you and your family.

I know Mother's Day is still a looong time from now....but do we really need to wait for a day to celebrate motherhood? I say NO! (emphatically shaking my fist in the air!) Call you mom and just chat for a bit. If you're a mom, just leave everything, all the ENDLESS chores and cuddle with your little ones...or call them if they are older. Just celebrate this beautiful bond and savor it.

I have always wanted one of those mother's necklaces, the ones where you have your childrens' names stamped on metal tags. So I thought, well I am a jewelry designer, so why not make one myself. So I did. Here it is....

Want one for yourself? Order one from my shop and I will have it customized for you, up to 5 kids :) I adore mine! These would make great gifts for any mother or grandmother that you know!

Need more ideas for your mom or as a treat for yourself? Then check out these lovely finds, any one of which would be perfect as a gift!

Here is a gorgeous photograph taken by Amelia Kay Photography. It is called "Love Whisper," and I think that it would make a wonderful gift.

Lovely, handmade journals by Robyn's Art would make a very special gift, especially if your mother loves to journal. Robyn can also make art journals that would be perfect for painting, sketching, etc.

This is one of my favorites, the Empress Silk Journal. I actually have this one and I love it!

The Baby Blue Starburst Hemp Choker necklace by The Happy Soul would be great for any mom to wear during the summer!

And of course, what woman wouldn't love gloriously scented luxurious bath products? Here is one of my favorites, Oatmeal Milk and Honey Loofah Bar by Sunset Soaps. A brilliant gift!

I have so many favorite Etsians and all of their crafts would make the perfect gift for any mom. Even if it isn't Mother's Day, does it really matter? I don't think so, especially since a gift given out of the blue seems so much more special than when it is given on a pre-determined day. As humans, we are all so expressive all about, "let it all out!" So go ahead, let it all out and show your love for that special woman in your life, whether she be your mother, your grandmother, your aunt, a teacher, a neighbor....whoever she is. You'll make her day...and yours :)

A Treasured Friend

This amazing photograph was taken by my wonderful friend, Robyn. I met her through that magical place Etsy. You can visit her amazing shop HERE. Have I ever met Robyn? No, not in person. But that is the magic of Etsy, the magic of being an artist, the magic of having that yearning to create. We just happened to connect and click, and I consider her a true friend, always guiding and advising and supporting.

Robyn has started an amazing new series on her blog. They are the Round Table Discussions, and the main purpose is to talk about...everything! To talk, to listen, to learn, to inspire....truly amazing. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be a part of this series. I am truly grateful and humbled that I was a part of this experience, because I am a Muslim and a Pakistani-American....and not everyone is comfortable with that.

So if you want to know more about me, visit her blog and read the Round Table Discussion, "Walking the Cultural Line."

Thank you Robyn, for making my voice be heard.

Movers and Shakers

Hey y'all, it's been a while I know! But, in my defense, I have good excuses. We finally sold our house and made it through the closing. We have moved into an apartment until our new house is ready...whenever that may be. Moving was chaotic, to say the least, and I never, ever want to move like that again! Because our byuers were very fickle and iffy all the way to the end, we never knew if the closing would get through, so I was totally disorganized in packing.

Are you moving? I found this blog, Steps to Organization, which has some helpful moving checklists. The blog's author, Wendy Cross, is a professional organizer, and aside from moving, she has some pretty cool organizing tips! Check out her moving checklist 1 and moving checklist 2 if you are preparing to take this journey. I must warn you though, realistically, you WON'T get totally organized, but at least you can smooth out a lot of the wrinkles!

So now we are back to apartment living, and I must confess, it's not that bad. Of course, it's smaller, and we have a LOT of stuff in storage, but I like it! I like having the option to just call maintenance to come fix something rather than figure out how to fix it myself so that we don't have to pay someone $200 for some little thing. Of course, when we move into our new house, I am going to brush up on some home maintenance skills.

A lot has happened in the past few months! Both Fazal and Zahra had their birthdays, so I am now a proud Mama of a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Stay tuned for a lot of updates in the next few weeks and some oh-so-adorable pics :) Here is one that I love!

My Etsy shop, Treasure Box Jewelry, is still up but with all the wackiness going on, I have taken a little break from things. I have a lot of items that need listing, so I will be doing that also in the coming days. Of course, being on a temporary hiatus still doesn't stop me from buying endless amounts of glorious beads and findings! Since we are in the midst of fall, I love the the La Terre Necklace from my shop reflects the burst of color that comes with the season!

La Terre Necklace by Treasure Box Jewelry

And now a parting treat for you! One of my best cyber-friends, Lisa of Jeweled Ambrosia, has branched out into fabulous hair accessories! They are all so amazing, but this one is my favorite!

Vintage Rhinestone, Rosette and Sequin Headband by Jeweled Ambrosia

So adieu for now and have a blessed day!

Life's a Beach!

I love the summertime in Jersey. This year, it seems like it took its pretty time getting here, but at last it has arrived! I love being able to step out of the house without lugging coats and jackets and mittens...all the trappings of winter that seem welcome and charming the first week of cold, but then get tiresome. Just a t-shirt, capris, flip flops and of course, my favorite summer accessories, anklets and sunglasses and you're out the door!

Sandcastle Anklet by Treasure Box Jewelry

We've already been down to the beach this season, numerous times. We went for the Fourth and watched the fireworks at Pier Village in Long Branch, NJ. Then we went kayaking with some friends a couple of weekends ago (though technically not at a beach, it was a lake reservoir, but still there was water and sand!) Then this past weekend, when Nasir came home from work, we packed up some food, towels, blankets and chairs for a spur-of-the-moment outing. This is the advantage of living so close to the ocean. You can totally be spontaneaous!

When we got out there and set up, I took Zahra out of her stroller. This was the first time that she actually ventured out onto the sand, barefoot and excited to be exploring this new environment. I took her down to the water and saw that there was no fear in her, only awe and curiousity as the waves crashed on the shore. She made a decision to go farther and tried to get me to let her go. Not a chance!! But I did let her get her feet wet and she absolutely loved it! I remember the first time that we took Fazal down to the water...he wasn't having any of it. He was scared and clingy and was satisfied with admiring the view from far away...very, very far away. But this little firecracker of mine wanted to dive right into this unknown that she was facing. For a few minutes, I let myself think of everything from her perspective, the newness of the experience, the intital awe that we get from encountering something so breathtaking that there is no room for fear. It seems like that feeling is getting so hard to come by as the years go by, and even if it does come, we tend to skip over it.


And now some lovely finds from some wonderful and talented Etsians. I hope they fill with you with awe and inspiration!

Gold Starfish Necklace by Cindy V. Designs

Lola's Greens Brown Wrap Skirt by Vidals

Shell and Pearl Rose Ring: The Sea Treasure Collection by Star of the East

Urchin Bowl by Element Clay Studio

Beach Umbrella: 8 x 8 Fine Art Photograph by Daydreamers

Going With the Flow

Apparently, though I am fast approaching a milestone birthday (my 30th, gasp!), I have yet to neatly package myself into a certain type of person.

Who says I have to?

Life is complicated and tough without having to fit into pre-set molds that we must try to squeeze into...who wants to squeeze into something that will just make you all tense and tired and smothered? Not me and I hope not you either!

So though things are utterly crazy right now (not EVEN going to get into it!), I am going to teach myself to lay back, relax, not to take things so seriously. I started my blog to muse about the little things in life that we all tend to miss, and what happens? My evil, type-A, everything-must-be-perfect-or-it's-not-even-worth-it half overtook my other laid-back, beach-bum, sunshiny gal half and I totally neglect everything but the hassles and trials of the "real" world. Well, no more!!

I am going to walk a new path (that's me in the first pic, in my favorite black flowy skirt, walking a new path). I have been taught to schedule everything to the last second and to systematically work through everything until all is done. And though there is something to be said about scheduling and to-do lists, we all get so caught up in doing stuff, that we never just sit back and let things happen. So many things are overlooked and so many things, the truly important things get left undone.

I'm tired of being tired everyday, just drained from all the unnecessary and often imaginary stresses that I put on myself. I need to trust in God, and trust that my faith will see my through anything. I think a lot of our stress comes from the pressure that we put on ourselves to be bigger and better than everyone else....but why do have to be bigger and better? Why can't we just be ourselves and be content with that? If you have the drive that definately go for it. But the minute that you are unhappy, you need to stop and take a break and re-evaluate. I am not saying quit, not at all. I am saying that you should pace yourself so that it never comes to the point that you get burned out and do quit.

My daughter Zahra is a free spirit. Always smiling and laughing...until she really wants something and then she'll let lose a scream that will make your ears ring. But she gets over it pretty fast and goes back to her happy self. I used to be like that...And I am going to get that back.

Here's Zahra enjoying the simple things in life, a summer rain.


I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a human, a daughter, a sister, an artist, an intellectual (at least I think so, I love to read!) But's that not all that I am. We are all so much more than these labels....

So burst out from that ill-fitting mold...I am. It didn't do much for my figure anyways.

First Home Jewelry Party

These past few weeks, I have really neglected everything besides making jewelry, in preparation for my first home jewelry party. It was nerve-wracking to have a deadline, but it was good to build up my inventory. I don't have a studio, so as you can see from the picture, my dining rooms has happily agreed to fulfill this position...at least temporarily! It's hard to keep organized and since we STILL have out house on the market, I often have to pack up a few times a day. REALLY kills by creative buzz sometimes, so when I really am working, I usually just keep working, even when people are going through the house. I have actually been asked for my card a few times so, hey, not a bad idea!

But I digress. The first picture is of my popular Sweet Dahlia Ring in my shop. I made 8 of these and they have all sold out. I made another version, in a pinky coral color. I have ordered more supplies for the Plum version, so stay tuned! These rings were among the 95 items that I managed to make in time for the jewelry party on May 29th. My hostess said that it seemed like there would be about 50 people there so I was totally stressing about not having enought items. As it was, only about 20 people came, but that was totally fine by me! I ended up making 11 sales and got 2 custom orders, so all in all, a pretty good first run!

My two biggest hurdles were 1)Packaging my jewelry and 2)How to display the jewelry.

For hurdle one, I made earrings cards out of cardstock. I just used Word to make template and then copied and pasted it until it covered a page and then printed them out on cream cardstock. The square measure a little larger than 2 X 2. I found an image of a treasure chest in my clipart so for the earrings, I just faded it to a watermark. You can definately see it, but it doesn't compete with the earrings. Across the top I put my shop's name and then I just poked holes with a safety pin and put the earring through! For necklaces, I used a dark coffee brown color, and the cardstock was heavier than the paper that I used for the earrings. Also I changed the treasure chest to an actual picture instead of a watermark. Instead of squares I made rectangles measuring about 2 x 4, so when I printed them out, I cute them out, folded them in half, put the necklace into that space, and then stapled the top! All done!

So the second hurdle was how to display everything. I got a lot of great ideas from picstues and of course my Etsy friends! I love Etsy, how people you have never met before are always so willing to help you! I basically just used what I had around the house. A cardboard box, binders for necklaces, serving trays....and I bought some inexpensive black fabric and just draped and covered everything. I used a silver dip bowl for my business cards and added a mirror and VOILA! My simple and easy display! My favorite part was using a decorative box that looked like a treasure chest and I filled it with crumpled newspaper, tucked in black fabric, and put my necklaces on these! An instant treasure box!

I really enjoyed meeting people and I am hoping to have more of these parties! Plus the food was really good ;) The hostess set it up as a Victorian-Style tea party, with little finger foods and all kinds of teas, so it was wonderful.

Have you done a jewelry party? Share your experiences!

Cape May in Pictures

I have a lot of wonderful pictures from our recent trip down to Cape May. I thought I would do a two-part series on it, just so that I could get everything in. This post features the pictures that I took. This pic features the Emlen Physick Estate, a gorgeous Victorian mansion. Ironically, there was a craft show going on there...which we missed!

This is the old 5 & 10 store in the downtown Cape May area...things cost a little more these days!

Zahra splashing in the fountain in downtown Cape May. When I pulled her away, she immediately let me know that she was not appreciative of my interruption.

Carpenter's Square Mall that had even more cute little boutique stores. To the left, under the teal green tent is Gecko's, the Southwest cuisine restaurant that we had dinner at one night. They had a delicious tomato and basil salad and tiny cornbread muffins with jalapneno jelly. It was divine!

I took this picture on our foray into Wildwood and the boardwalk there. They have a amusement park there, Morey's Piers, and Fazal had the time of his life riding the rides. This was of the balloon ride and I love that I got it just as one of the balloon cars (or whatever they're called!) eclipsed the sun.

Fazal riding the cars at the pier! He rode this ride twice, since he wanted the racecar the second time around.

The beach at sunset. Both kids loved playing there in the sand, though it was starting to get chilly. Still the weather was beautiful!

Congress Hall, a lovely hotel in downtown Cape May. Very Victorian and elegant, I hope we stay there on our next trip!

Another lovely Victorian house, this time functioning as a bed and breakfast. The architecture was so stunning, I think I may have gone overboard with the pictures!

So that is a tiny piece of of our trip. I still want to mention the shops that I really liked, but I'll leave that for another post!